Today is another bad day. It just came up out of nowhere at work and grabbed me and won’t let go. Took everything I had to finish my shift. I wanted to curl up in the smallest ball in the darkest, furthest corner and cry. My heart aches for Gemma like it just happened. One of those days where I just want to be with my daughter. I want my heart back. Feels like its been torn from my chest and crushed into a million pieces leaving me feeling empty. What I wouldn’t give to go back in time and just relive the time I had with her over and over again. I’m not quite sure how I’ve been holding it together for this long, but it all came at me and is crippling. I want the pain to stop, I want the ache in my heart to stop, but it never will. Not as long as I love Gemma. This is my new life and I hate it. I don’t want it. I want my daughter back.